Mom and I have coffee together every week via phone call.
Almost every phone call – okay every damn phone call – my mind is like a pinball where my focus bounces from one thing to another.
My mom is the last thing my brain wants to pay attention to even though I want to pay attention and I’m trying hard to.
But I get caught up in the chaos of the buzzing sound of my phone notifications and oh hey, there’s a helicopter and look at those mountains outside. I wonder how long it would take for me to hike it. I wonder if there’s snow up there. What kind of food should I pack? Should I pack extra socks? Oh…and don’t forget the binoculars this time and of course bringing the tripod for some selfies that will put those millennials to shame and should I record my entire hike using my Osmo? Did I charge it?
Then I snap back my attention to my mom and realized I was saying the uh-huh’s and the oh-really’s in monotone.
Now I feel like I should accept that worst daughter award.
Wait… what if that was a thing? Would that be like a Roaster Awards? Only for bad daughters? Would I actually walk on stage I accept that kind of thing? I better make sure I thank God first and then – shit. See what I mean?
That’s when my mom admitted to me that I was born with ADHD. And it’s not just her that I do this to. This happens all the time. I’ve always been easily distracted.
Not only that, I seem to have challenges with memory to the point where second guessing myself about the events of what happened.
However, for what’s it worth, I am very good at remembering faces and names.
For years I wondered if I did have ADHD. But I wrote off that everyone has some either sort of ADHD or it wasn’t a real “dysfunction” and that if one was easily distracted away from a particular subject or project at hand it’s because they weren’t really interested.
But that makes us sound like assholes.
Learning and attention issues are tricky, because there’s no before or after that can help mark them. They are just part of who we are.
She waited until I was in my 30’s to tell me because she didn’t want me to use ADHD as an excuse. Not only that, she now can see that I learn in my own way and make everything work.
ADHD doesn’t define me, but it does help me understand who I am.